For Good

Good morning, my Lovelies!

I hope all is well with you and that life is simply wonderful for you right now! My little corner of the world is beginning to rebuild after a metaphorical earthquake. It has been a struggle, but I'm getting there, y'all!

Anyway, I'm sure you're just on pins and needles waiting to see what I'm going to lay out for you today. Right?

Well, I wanted to talk to you about me. (Because...what's more important than me? 😂)

Growing up, I always felt as if I couldn't be myself. I was constantly told to "tone it down" or to "act like a lady." I was too much. 

Too loud. Too bold. Too audacious. Too crazy. Too impulsive.

I felt as if I were confined by expectations imposed upon me by generational restrictions. I was supposed to be a lady, prim and proper. It was constatnly drilled into my head. I absolutely do NOT blame my grandmother and mother for this. It's what they knew, handed down to them just as it was handed down to me. But I never felt I could just relax and let people see the true me. I was always hypervigilant that I was acting the way I was "supposed to."

I changed my behavior to fit what was expected. I bit my tongue and didn't say things I really wanted to say. There were constantly two different trains of thought going through my brain. What I could say and what I couldn't. How I could act and how I couldn't. I internalized everything, and I just accepted that this was the way it was going to be.

But I vowed that when I had children, I was NOT going to do that to them. I'll admit, some of those ingrained thoughts and expectations seeped through - especially with my oldest. But I tried. I really did.

Then I entered my forties, and there was a shift. I started asking myself why I was still adhering to these antiquated thoughts and restrictions. I was a grown-ass woman who should be allowed to feel, think, say, and act however the hell I wanted whenever the hell I wanted. So I started opening doors and windows and giving those around me a peek at the real me. Those little glimpses were freeing, and I found myself wanting more and more of that freedom, that lightness that comes with feeling unburdened.

I finally, FINALLY, began to feel as if I was being true to myself.

Then I turned fifty, and all those walls, doors, and windows that had kept me caged blew the fuck up. I no longer gave a flying fuck about what anyone thought of me and my actions, and it was so damn freeing!

I had a conversation about this with my youngest this past week. Now, if you've been with me for a while, you know that she is absolutely a miniature copy of me. If we were the same age, we would be twins. I've never been worried about her staying true to herself. There was no caging that personality of hers. But I have worried about my oldest. My oldest is way too much like their father. He has come a long way, but he, too, had some of these restrictions put on him. And both of them are on the Autism spectrum, so there are those challenges thrown in the mix. I really did wonder if my oldest would become who they were meant to be. If they would allow themself to let their hair down, relax, and just live. 

It turns out that going away to college was absolutely the BEST thing for my oldest. I'm no longer worried about them finding out who they were meant to be and letting themself BE that person. The reports I get of them being out with friends, hitting the bars, smoking a little weed, and relaxing make me unbelievably happy.

I can hear the gasps now! OMG! She's encouraging her child to drink and do drugs! No. I'm encouraging my child(ren) to live.

Life is too damn short to hide parts of yourself away due to fear and expectations. Be who you want to be. Be who you were meant to be!

Be loud! Be audacious! Take chances! You won't regret it.

And if you're too much for people, then they aren't your people.

Today is my birthday. Fifty-two years on this earth, and I finally feel like I'm me. At long last, I feel free and it is the most amazing feeling in the world. So, to those of you who say I've changed? I have.

I have changed for the better. I have changed for good.

That's all for now! (Also, if you wanna send a little gift to ya girl, I have CashApp, PayPal & Venmo! 😂😂😂)

Until next time and always...

Have courage. Be kind. Be happy! (Be YOU!)


Much love and self-actualization from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)


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Erotic Romance author. Self-published on Amazon. I love a happy ending. Yes, I mean that in more than one way.

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