Becoming

 Forgive me, faithful followers, for I am two days late releasing my blog. I would try to justify this, but let me leave you with two words instead. Life. Employment.

Let me begin by saying that each and every time I sit down to write this blog I find myself wondering if I should be using this platform for truly important matters. Should I be writing about the state of our Country? Should I be discussing political matters, or other important topics? Would it be better if I tried to make a difference by enlightening my friends and followers with my own beliefs?

The answer is a resounding, NO! I feel we are bombarded by things like this on a daily, minute by minute, even, basis. Don't you want a break? I sure as hell need one. Also, who's to say that what I spout here isn't just as, if not, more important?

To that I say, let's talk about relationships. There are many different kinds of relationships, connections we have through blood or marriage, or make with the people we choose to be around. Sometimes there's no breaking those connections and sometimes they snap in a moment and can never be mended.

Some of you have asked about my first marriage, and some of you already know. For those of you who don't, here we go. 

I was, by my current ideas and standards, quite young when I took that leap. He was twelve years older than me. Some say age doesn't make a difference, and to that, I whole-heartedly agree - to some extent. At first, things seemed to be good between us, rarely a cross word said. But as time went on, our differences became too extreme and it became very obvious that we wanted wholly different things from life.

During this time period I worked hard, putting in long hours at the factory where I was employed. Then I would come home and immediately head to work on his family's farm for a few hours, hoeing or cutting tobacco. From there I would rush home, try to quickly throw something together for dinner, shower, and then head out the door for night classes at the college. Looking back I'm actually not certain when I slept. Oh, to be young and full of all that energy again!

Now I'm sure some of you are wondering when I had time for my husband during all that. Believe me when I say I tried my best and for the most part succeeded. It wasn't easy, but I usually made it work. But there came a point where he resented the fact that not only was I bettering myself, I was becoming - I was becoming who I was truly meant to be. Our arguments, which had been few and far between, came more often and became increasingly volatile. When the day came that he lost it, threw a fork at me (which actually struck me in my breast and left a scar), I knew I was done. (Oh, go ahead and laugh. Stick a fork in me, I'm done?)

As much as that hurt, physically and mentally, it was the day that he yelled at me that he didn't understand why I was bothering going to school, that I would never be anything, never do anything with my life, and would never leave Western Kentucky, that I received that final push. Within a week I had found an apartment, started divorce proceedings, and was doing my damndest to make it on my own. 

There were steps to make, things that needed to happen before I could fully make that break and it was a long process, but it eventually happened. I came out of that relationship with PTSD and triggers that haunt me to this day. (Please don't throw/toss anything at me without giving me a heads up. I promise you, it is not something you want to unintentionally inflict on me, and certainly not something you want to witness.)

Though I came out of this relationship with scars, I came out of it a better person. And you know what? I did make something of myself. I did leave Western Kentucky. I'm still becoming. But you know what? I love the person I'm becoming, and I wouldn't change one step along this crazy, winding path for the world.

As always...

Much love from me to you!

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)