Letter to Me (Episode 4)

Good morning and happy weekend, my Lovelies! I hope you have found some fun, interesting or exciting things to do this weekend! I believe this shall be the last in my "Letter to Me" series (at least for now). As I begin this one, I'm not certain all I want to say, all I should say, or what I can get up the courage to say, but here we go.

Dear twenty-five-year-old me:

I want to start out by saying I know you thought you were doing the right thing. Growing up in a small town led you and many of your friends to believe the general mindset that afflicts the area. Yes, a large portion of the population there believe that young women need not aim for more than getting married and popping out a couple of kids. You got married because it was expected, not because you were in love. It took you a while to figure it out, but you realize this now, so please do me a favor and stop beating yourself up over it. I promise we don't deserve the constant mental bashing. We've lived through enough of that and it's time to move on.

You tried. You tried hard to make it work and it didn't. You know what? It's okay that it didn't work. I promise everything is going to be okay. In fact, taking that step and filing for divorce will open a whole new world for you. (Oh, and, advantage to you for working in a law firm and being able to have two amazing attorneys at your back just because they love you. It doesn't hurt that you're well-acquainted with the Judge who will ultimately sign off on your case, either!)

I know there were many times that he made you feel that you were nothing, that you would never amount to anything, that you would never do anything with your life. I also know it wasn't until the day that the words actually came out of his mouth that you realized just how he'd been gaslighting you. You put up with way too much shit. But you know that now, you can see that now. So don't feel bad for doing what is right for you.

Do what you need to do and don't look back. There are much bigger and better things on the horizon for you. 

I know you're exhausted. You've been working a full-time job, you've doubled up on college courses, and up until recently, you were still working the farm (at least on the weekends), as well as taking care of many other responsibilities that were thrust upon you whether you wanted them or not. But believe me when I say your dedication and work ethic are going to pay off big time for you in the near future.

I know you're down, and that you feel like a failure, so let me share a few things with you to give you some hope and brighten your outlook. First of all, you're going to meet someone and he's the real deal. He is going to love you no matter what, even when you are an absolute straight-up bitch and as far from loveable as you can possibly be. (Don't look at me that way. You know we have our moments!) It won't always be easy, but you'll make it work.

Don't let me freak you out, but you are about to take a huge leap of faith. Trust me when I say that even though it's scary, you will land exactly where you are meant to be. You're going to get that degree you've worked so hard for! Not only are you going to get your degree, but you're going to kick ass while doing it. Working a full-time job and maintaining a 4.0 GPA is pretty damned impressive. (Keep up the good work, you bad-ass bitch!)

It's going to be hard leaving mom, dad, and Kels, but your amazing niece will come to you one day and remind you just how good a job you did helping to raise her. Want to know what she tells you? "I've never resented you leaving, Auntie. You deserved to have a life of your own and it was about time you went out and got it." She's correct and she is extremely wise. (She should be. You helped with that!)

Take care of yourself. There are going to be times when you aren't certain how much more you can take mentally, as well as physically, but you will pull through. You know what else? One day you're going to be able to look back and realize all that you went through was not only worth it, but it was exactly as it was meant to be. Oh, and one more thing?  

Breathe! You got this!

As always,

Much love from me to you!

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)