This Is Me

Good morning, my Lovelies! I hope you all know just how much I enjoy sharing myself, my life, and my life experiences with you. I hope you get what you need by reading my words, whether that's a good story, a good laugh, or a good cry. 

This week I've found myself thinking about my children, their personalities, and all the crazy, funny things that have popped out of their mouths over the years. Like that time that my oldest (then the ripe old age of two) cursed for the first time. It was said so seriously and with such a deep Kentucky accent that there absolutely was no doubt of where those little ears had heard it. It was so damn cute that all I could do was laugh. 

(Yes, I have an accent. No, it doesn't matter that I've lived somewhere else for almost half my life. It is there. It isn't going anywhere. Charming? Maybe, maybe not, but it sure is good for a few laughs when I'm with my friends.)

And my youngest, always dramatic even as a tot, would never tell me she was thirsty. Instead, she would say, "My throat is dry."  Even better? She wouldn't tell me she was hungry. Of course not! No, we'd be going through a store and she would look up at me with those baby blues, helpless and pitiful, and announce to me and half the store, "You haven't fed me in a while." Fun stuff. 

I love my children so much. I love their personalities and sense of humor. They are smart, witty, and entertaining, and I can't help but laugh at them with some of the things they say and do. You know that trip I took a few weeks ago where I went to the beach all by myself and did that whole rest and recharge thing? Before I left my oldest asked if a divorce was on the horizon (no), and when I got back the youngest asked if I'd had an affair (no). Now, I'm not sure how my wanting some time to myself morphed into those thoughts, but once again, they both made me laugh. (Turns out they thought it would be funny to joke about. They were correct.)

I suppose I entertain them, as well. (At least when I'm not making them cringe. Did you know that adults are not allowed to listen to the same music their children listen to? Oh, the horrors!) You see, it seems that my actions of late have become the topic of discussion amongst my oldest's group of friends. The fact that I write lady porn, took a trip by myself, am drinking more than usual, and have gotten several tattoos in the past couple of months, fascinates them. And after trying to psychoanalyze me and my actions, they have come up with a diagnosis.

I, quite simply in their collective opinion, am going through a mid-life crisis.

They may be right, they may be wrong, but I'm enjoying every minute of my insanity. Being able to express myself through my writing has given me the outlet I wanted and needed for my creativity. It has even been therapeutic for me as I've faced a few things from my past and worked through some things that I had locked away. And having the people who read my work come to me and tell me how much they enjoyed it has done wonders for my self-esteem and confidence. (Areas that I have suffered in most of my life.)

I no longer feel I need approval from those around me, no longer go out of my way to seek approval of any kind. However, it sure is nice when it's there simply because I decided to stop hiding and become who I was always meant to be.

Love me, hate me, adore me, laugh at me, or tolerate me, this is me.

As always,

Much love from me to you!

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)