Torn in Two
Good morning, my Lovelies! How ya doin' on this bright, beautiful Thursday morning? I hope you're mentally, emotionally, and physically well, and I hope that life has been giving you nothing but big, beautiful bouquets of roses - or whatever your favorite flower is. The past few weeks have been a bit of an emotional rollercoaster for me and it appears that I'm not getting off that ride anytime soon.
What's been going on? Well, the trip that I took to Kentucky a couple of weeks ago was more than just a vacation for me. You see, my parents are older and not in the best of health. While I was there my mother (who has had breast cancer twice and has stage 2 COPD) had some surgery - minor, but she was told that she wouldn't be able to be on her feet at all for two weeks, and only limited amounts of time for the two weeks after that.
It was a struggle getting her to realize that she wasn't going to be able to do what she thought she should have been able to do. But by the time I left I felt that they had things fairly well sorted and planned out. As it turns out, not so much.
My mother fell Monday. She broke her wrist and broke a rib, a rib that wasn't fully healed from the last time she fell and broke it. Now, after an emergency room visit, an overnight stay in the hospital, and the doctors demanding home healthcare, maybe, just maybe, she can begin to mend.
Needless to say, my father (who has had two open-heart bypass surgeries, multiple minor heart surgeries, who is a borderline diabetic, and who has multiple degenerative discs in his back causing him to barely be able to walk) is exhausted. Who else is exhausted? Me. Being 900 miles from them has never been easy, but as time goes on and I see how much I'm needed there, it is becoming more and more difficult for me to be away.
So, all of that on top of this other emotional rollercoaster I've been on with my job (no, no resolution yet), constant worry over my children and some things they are going through, as well as some of my own health issues, has gotten me in a funk. I despise being in a funk. Funk isn't fun nor funny. Damn it! I'm a funny person and I don't feel funny anymore. I feel like someone reached inside me and yanked all the funny from my body. (Whoever that was? Fuck you.)
Do you understand what I mean when I say I'm exhausted and that it is so much more from my emotional state than it is anything physical or from lack of sleep? Some people get that and some people don't. And just to fill you in a little more? Don't be surprised if you're around me and I'm laughing one minute and crying my eyes out the next.
Sleeping? Meh. Writing? Meh. Parenting? Meh. Adulting? Meh. Being an absolutely fucked up mess? Whooo!
Multiple rollercoasters - one track - get prepared. The collision is coming.
Just hand me a tissue, an adult beverage, and give me a hug.
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