Numb
Good morning, my Lovelies! So, I’m going to cut through the crap and get right to this. (Not that I don’t hope you’ve had a wonderful week because I do, I promise.)
Today the entirety of Delmarva woke up to a thick blanket of
fog. (The photo below is very mild compared to what I drove through most of the way to work.) Actually, there has been some amount of fog every morning this week, but
today was by far the worst. It surrounded my truck with a suffocating wall and
made my anxiety spike. I had the thought that trying to see through the fog and
find a clear path is a decent parallel to how my life is feeling right now.
Then I thought, no, that isn’t exactly correct, either. You
see, right now I feel as if even with the lifting of the metaphorical fog in my
life, I still wouldn’t know which path to follow. It is incredibly frustrating
to me to not be able to just do what I want to do. Right now, the only thing I
know is that I’m going to have to make some changes and they are going to have
to be soon.
You see, I had a moment this week that set off red flags and
made my warning bells begin to ring. What happened? I had decided I needed a
new playlist and began adding songs at random. After I had a good handful of
songs on it I sat back and looked at the list as a whole to make sure it was exactly
what I wanted.
That was when I realized that the songs I had chosen all
kind of had the same theme. What’s wrong with that, Shell? Isn’t that what you
want when you’re making a playlist? Absolutely. But here are some of the songs
I had chosen:
Dear Agony
Hold On to
Memories
Nothing Else
Matters
Something to
Remind You
So Far Away
The Sound of
Silence
Not Strong
Enough
Yeah, so, if you are familiar with these songs, you see a pattern here. As my youngest says, the “wee-woo” sirens went off. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely love all these songs, but when combined on the same playlist, you start to see the downward spiral of your thoughts.
So, I have decided to step away from some of the things that
may be tying up my time and energy and what may be possibly causing me to not
be able to work on other things, including my mental health. I need to get some
things marked off my to-do list, including publishing my next book, finishing
the one after that, and getting back to doing some of what I love most about
the writing process, which is basically, just being able to write. (I still
despise the publicity part of it!)
You may not see as much of me on social media for a bit. I
will continue to blog because it is helpful to me to get my thoughts out, but I’m
not going to make my weekly announcement when the blog is up. So, if you aren’t
already signed up to follow my blog and get emails when I post, you may want to
do so in order to not miss anything.
I will continue to answer private messages and emails that I
receive, but I seriously need a break. And truthfully, with all the hatred, misinformation,
and down-right rudeness that has been overwhelming my feeds lately, the break
is multi-purpose. There’s only so much negativity I can take.
So, even though you may not see as much of me for a bit,
please know that I haven’t deserted you and please know that you can still
reach out to me.
I promise I’ll be back.
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