True Love
Good evening, my Lovelies! How ya doing? I hope you're well, and I hope you've had an amazing week. Mine? Eh. It is what it is. Maybe next week will be better, right? Now, this blog may not ring any bells with some of my readers, but for those of you who have been with your partner, spouse, significant other, for a long time, this one is going to ring like the bells of Notre Dame.
Ya know how wonderful things can be when a relationship begins? For the most part, everything is hearts and flowers and happiness. You can't imagine that your person would ever do anything that would annoy you so much you'd want to smack the shit out of them. Uh-huh, I can see the wheels turning in the minds of those of you who are in a long-term relationship.
Let me share a little background with you. When I was around 16 I had my first experience with misophonia. What is misophonia? Here is the best definition that I've found for it:
Misophonia: A strong reaction to specific sounds. Misophonia may cause a reaction to sounds such as dripping water, chewing, snapping gum, or repetitive noises, such as pencil tapping. People with misophonia can become irritated, enraged, or even panicked when they hear their trigger sounds.
It is real, and it can be severe, intense, and debilitating. If you've never dealt with it, be grateful. You can't imagine how miserable it can be.
What was my first experience? I was sitting at the kitchen table with my mother, keeping her company while she was waiting for my father to come home from work. The house was quiet, and we were playing a card game. I don't remember what we were snacking on, but as we were sitting there the noise of my mother chewing became too much for me to handle. I can't even describe to you how miserable it was.
I thought maybe I was imagining things. It was late at night and I was tired. I had no idea that it was just the beginning of what has steadily become harder and harder to deal with. Many people laugh it off and say that it is ridiculous. But it took everything I had in me not to pick up whatever was the handiest item and throw it at my mother.
Normally there is enough background noise that I'm able to eat normally, carry on a conversation and go on with my life. But there are times that it is quiet enough that I can hear the people around me chewing their food, slurping their drinks, and making all kinds of crazy noises while they eat.
I simply can't take it. There are times that it is so bad that I have to leave the room; I may even burst into tears. It is uncontrollable and I absolutely can't help how it affects me.
So how does this tie into the long relationship thing? Let's just say that it is one of those buttons that keep getting pushed in my marriage. (After more than 20 years together, our button jar is overflowing!) My kids acknowledge that I have this problem and try to accommodate me by turning on the television while we eat. But the fact that we can't sit and have a meal without some kind of cover noise absolutely drives my husband insane.
It's gotten to the point that he rolls his eyes at me and says snarky things when I ask for that cover noise. I'm fairly certain he thinks I'm making it up and he gives me a hard time over it. But I promise you that it is a true disorder and just one more thing that has been adding to my misery of late. In fact, it has gotten so bad over the past couple of years that I'm afraid I'm going to have to start wearing sound-canceling earplugs just so that I can sit and have a meal with my family.
I told y'all I was insane. Do you believe me now? At least I know I'm not alone in my misery. I keep finding more and more people who deal with the same thing on some level, and it makes me feel a bit better about my crazy, messed-up body.
Hopefully, hearing about my struggles helps you to get through a few of your own. To each and every person who reads my blog, please know you aren't alone.
We're all a little crazy.
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