Anthem of the Angels
Good morning, my Lovelies! Let me just start this blog by telling you that this has not been the best of weeks for me. I'm trying to be positive, but the past few days have been hard for me. How about you? Things alright in your corner of the world? I hope so and I hope that even if you've been having a hard week, you've found a reason to smile.
Have you ever slept through the night but awakened more exhausted than when you went to bed? Well, that has been me this week. More specifically, Monday night. I had unusual and upsetting dreams, and it seemed as if they were constant throughout the night. Basically, I woke up feeling as if I'd run a damn marathon.
I'm mentally and physically exhausted, and here it is several days later and I can't seem to shake it. So what were the dreams?
Well, I know I've told you all before of my friend who passed a few years ago, but I've never shared anything about another friend of mine who died a little over 20 years ago. (Holy crap! I can't believe he's been gone that long!)
My friend, Will, was one of the best. He truly was! He was funny, smart, and very nice looking. He was so friendly, outgoing, adventurous, and so damn much fun to be around. It broke my heart when he died. (And no, because I know how y'all are, we didn't have one of those relationships. Friends. Just friends.)
We used to work at the same store (his family's grocery store), would spend hours chatting, and just truly enjoyed each other and the shifts where we were scheduled to work together. I think I only ever saw him without a smile on his face a handful of times, and even then it didn't take much to change his mood.
What happened? Well, nobody would ever tell me for sure. Did they think I wouldn't be able to handle it? I don't know. But, as best I can figure out, he died from alcohol poisoning. He drank so much that he asphyxiated. (Again, this is just what I've been able to piece together.)
And what does his death have to do with my restless night and rough week? I dreamed of him Monday night. We were joking around, carrying on as usual, and then all of a sudden I could tell he couldn't breathe. And then my own body reacted and I had trouble breathing. (As physically exhausted as I was, I feel as if the breathing problems from my dream were actually happening to me.)
Sometimes when I have dreams like that I can talk myself out of them, shake myself awake enough that I can realize it's just a dream, and go back to sleep without problems. But not Monday night. Monday night I kept coming out of the dream and then falling right back into it, or some version of it. And it always ended the same - me watching his skin lose color, him gasping for breath, reaching for me to help him, and then my own body fighting for air.
So, yeah, my mental state has been a disaster this week. What would you expect when you watch a friend die over and over again, right?
Whew! I'm not sure how I made it through all of that without crying, but hopefully writing it down will help.
Maybe next week I'll be my normal, friendly, perky, crazy self, but there was no escaping the sadness this week, my Lovelies.
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