Beautiful Trauma

Good morning, my Lovelies!

Happy Friday! We finally made it and the weekend is just a blink or two away. I hope this blog finds you well and not nearly as stressed as I am at the moment.

I know, I know. It always seems as if I'm stressed. But here lately it has been more than my ADHD brain can handle. Because there is so damn much going on right now, my overthinking is at its peak.

Yes, I'm an overthinker. (As if you didn't know!) I've now had several conversations about this over recent weeks, one of which, happened just a day or two ago. It was a good conversation and I felt better about everything between me and this person afterward, but it caused me to go do some digging into why I am the way I am and do the things I do.

I also spent a little time looking up ways of dealing with an overthinker and in doing so, I discovered just how much I overthink things without realizing I'm doing it!

I overthink what people say to me. I overthink what I say to others. Hell, I even overthink situations that likely will never happen, because in my brain I try to think of every possible scenario and outcome before situations even arise so that I have some perceived control over the outcome. 

I overthink almost every aspect of my life. I constantly live inside my brain and I can never seem to turn it off. Seriously, it never stops. The only time I get some relief is when I partake of mood-enhancing substances. (Not the best of coping mechanisms, so I don't do it often.)

It's fucking exhausting.

There are a few things I would love for you to keep in mind when you see me spiraling:

First, be patient with me. I can't change the way I am (at least not this part of me), and you can't change me either. Patience and understanding that what you see is what you get goes a long way toward helping both of us.

Second, when you see that I'm overwhelmed, encourage me to step away and take a break. It doesn't matter whether that is for an hour, a day, or a week. Having you in my corner and reminding me that there are some things that can wait while I take care of myself makes me feel seen and heard.

Third, if I'm not at a point I can do that stepping away, then try to help me focus, help me prioritize. I'm great at making lists, but I can't always determine what needs taken care of first.

Fourth, listening to my concerns without judgment or making light of them is a balm to my insecurities. You don't have to baby me, but sometimes I just need to know that it is perfectly alright that I'm the way I am and that you support me - no matter what.

Fifth, I have a very negative internal dialogue. I can't control this, either. The more positive you are toward me, the better I think and feel about myself and the things I see as inadequacies. I'm not saying for you to lie to me, just try to help me see the positives. (Does that make sense?)

Sixth, challenge me and my creativity. It gives me a desperately needed outlet for the chaos in my brain.

I really do feel that writing makes a difference in my mental health. I know I've spoken about this before, but being able to escape into another world for a bit helps me to relieve some of the stress and anxiety that I deal with in the real world.

I'm a disaster and I own it. I just hope that y'all love me anyway and plan to stick around for this beautifully traumatic journey.

Until next time and as always,

Much love, patience, and understanding from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)

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