Grit & Grace

Good morning, my Lovelies, and happy freakin' Wednesday!

I hope this blog finds you healthy and happy and that this week is just rolling right along for you. Just to fill you in, if this blog goes sideways or seems completely weird, you can blame it on the adorable Charlie Gaddis. He's been giving me prompts the past couple of weeks to help my brain push out these blogs and his word for me this morning was "grit." Thanks, Charlie.

As I told him, I love a challenge, and as it turns out this one isn't too bad.

I feel as if I'm a strong person. I've been through some major shit in my life and I've shared quite a bit of that shit with all of you. Everything that I've experienced has made me the woman I am today. I've told you all of my struggles in my first marriage, the struggles in my current marriage, the struggles that I had growing up, and the struggles that I've had with my body. I've shared, shared, and over-shared, but for some reason, you guys just really like to read what I put out, so today I'm going to over-share a bit more.

For the past four (crap it may even be five now) years I have been dealing with the ongoing struggle of being a female reproductive-carrying member of society. Yes, I get my testing done regularly. Yes, I have had abnormal results. Those abnormal results have led to more testing. Then those tests have led to surgical procedures and even more testing. Fun stuff.

Lucky me, every time we think things are under control, I get a bad test result and have to start the process over again. I've had my cervix scraped, hole-punched, burned, scraped again, and I have struggled through each procedure with grit and grace even though I've wanted to do nothing more than cry and scream over the complete ineptitude my body is exhibiting.

Yes, I had another one of these procedures this week and I'm awaiting the test results. I'm at the point now where I feel I need to make a decision. Do I carry on as things are, or do I beg for surgery to remove it all?

I will tell you that this is a question that I never thought I would have to face. I'm tired of dealing with this, but if I have surgery and remove all of the offenders, will that make me feel less of a woman? If so, I don't think I'm ready for that. It strikes me as completely unfair that I am finally comfortable with and enjoying my sexuality only to be blindsided by the possibility of losing that sexuality.

Maybe that wouldn't be the case - I don't know. What I do know is that my grit and grace are having their limits pushed. If you have insight into this, talk to me. I need to hear from my fellow sufferers.

Until next time and as always,


Much love and healing from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)

Dawn Love's Linktree




Erotic Romance author. Self-published on Amazon. I love a happy ending. Yes, I mean that in more than one way.

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