I Will Always Love You

Good morning, my Lovelies!

It is Sunday morning and I'm in a hell of a mood. I hate this. I hate feeling pissed off at myself and everyone else, but that is where I'm at. I sat here this morning and debated even writing this, but I had to get it out of my head.

On top of feeling pissed at everyone and everything, I'm feeling wholly inadequate.  I'm sure we all go through times of feeling that way. But today it is hitting me like a damn bomb going off in my head and heart.

I, quite simply, will never be enough. (And I'm not fishing here. I know I will receive multiple messages from people telling me that I most definitely am enough. Just...don't.)

Here are the intrusive thoughts that have been floating in my head this morning, in no particular order:

I will never be smart enough. 
I will never be pretty enough.
I will never be thin enough.
I will never be talented enough.
I will never be successful enough.

The only consolation I've come up with is that I will ALWAYS be loving enough - at least to other people. You see, when I love, when I finally open myself to someone, I do it with every part of my being. Once I love you, truly love you, I will always love you. You may walk away from me, but you will ALWAYS be in my heart. You will ALWAYS be welcome to return.

Some other random thoughts that are pissing me off today:

I will never be wanted the way I need to be.
I will never be needed the way I want to be.
I will never be loved the way I deserve to be.
I will never love myself the way I should.

These thoughts are just the tip of the iceberg. I've never given serious thought to taking myself out of the game though there have most definitely been thoughts and feelings of everyone being better off without me around to annoy them and drive them insane.

But if there ever was a day when those thoughts could easily coalesce in my mind, today is it. I guess that was a whole shitload to drop on you guys on a random Sunday morning, but there it is.

And I didn't even ask how you guys are doing. One more indication that I am NOT in the right headspace today. I'm going to try to go for a walk. I kind of hate to leave mom for the third day in a row, even if it is just for an hour or so, but if I don't get out of here I may seriously lose my mind.

Until next time and as always,


Much love and hope for the return of positive thoughts from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)

Dawn Love's Linktree



Erotic Romance author. Self-published on Amazon. I love a happy ending. Yes, I mean that in more than one way.

Comments

  1. Brian ScalaApril 14, 2024 at 2:44 PM

    I won't dispute what you've said. You're right. We've all been there. What I will say is I'm honored to call you my friend and my colleague.

    ReplyDelete

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