Valentine

Good afternoon, my Lovelies!

It is my greatest hope that this blog finds you healthy and happy. Me? I'm working on it.

If you've been with me for a while you know that a few years ago I started going on a writer's retreat. I always scheduled it for sometime around Valentine's Day and there's a very good reason for that.

For many people in committed relationships - married, dating, or whatever label you put on it - when Valentine's comes along, there are plans made. Some go to dinner, some give gifts, and some plan romantic evenings. Some people put a ton of effort into it - some minimal - but whatever level of effort, there is love shown.

Somehow, those things have never happened for me. Ever. No matter who I've been with.

I used to try to brush it off as no big deal, but over the past 10 years or so I've come to realize it IS a big deal - at least to me.

I've never been taken to dinner on V-Day. I've never been given a gift other than an occasional card. I've never received flowers. (Occasional card? I've maybe gotten three in all my 51 years.)

I've lived many, many years without having this day acknowledged in any way, shape, or form - most times, without even a verbal acknowledgment.

Every year as this holiday (call it made up or whatever...it's here, been here, and not going anywhere) approaches I go into a very deep depression. Every year I've voiced my thoughts and shared how much it hurts me to not be recognized in any way.

Taking this trip has actually helped me not spiral into that depression. My retreat has become a way for me to escape and do something for myself for Valentines. After all, there's no rule that says I can't be my own Valentine, right? 

I didn't get away last year because I was in Kentucky caring for my mother. And it doesn't look like I'll get to this year, either. I have too many things I'm trying to get done to close my mother's estate and I'm going to have to make another trip to Kentucky soon. (I was already supposed to have done this but the IRS is an asshole...)

I've given thought to going in a few months just so that I get that time away, but I'm having a hard time justifying it with all the travel I have scheduled this year.

Well, Shell, why don't you just use one of your already scheduled trips as your "getaway" trip? It's not quite the same, y'all. It's just not.

Being able to get my AirBnB and have three or four days of solitude goes a LONG way toward helping me process the disrespect and thoughtlessness I experience so that I can move on.

Maybe things will change this year? I can hear all of you now.

They, in fact, will not.

So, with that being said, if my depression hits as I suspect it will, please hang in there with me. It is likely I will disappear from social media as the constant reminders make it even harder for me. If that happens, I promise I'll be back.

For now, I'm just going to keep hoping I can get through this without the spiral.

We'll see.


Until next time and as always,


Much love and wishes for an amazing Valentines Day from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)


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Erotic Romance author. Self-published on Amazon. I love a happy ending. Yes, I mean that in more than one way.

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