10 Things I Hate About You

Greetings, my Lovelies!

I'm sorry I haven't blogged in a while. I just checked, and it has been since June! Life has been crazy for me. I've been traveling all over - New Jersey, Louisiana, Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee... Whew! I also moved BOTH my children off to college. Insert sad face. They just HAD to decide they wanted to do something with their lives! 😂 (Should I be concerned that one of my youngest's classes is just learning about makeup? Theater makeup, but still. LOL!)

I'm obviously trying to get used to a much quieter house, and while I miss my children, I'm hoping that with them gone, I can make progress on some things I've been meaning to get to. I've got a LOT of digging in to do on some stories I'm working on.

I hope you have been well and that everything in your world is right as rain!

On top of all that I just mentioned, I've been dealing with a major emotional upset. I need to get some of this out of my head. Yes, I've talked with my best friends about it, but as much as I needed to share with them, I feel I need to talk about it a bit more in order to help me work through it.

For the past five years, I've spoken with a friend of mine almost daily. It might have only been a text or a shared meme, but we've remained in contact, and it has been a friendship I've counted on and have, for the most part, enjoyed. (Yes, we've had our moments. I think that can be quite common in friendships.)

Needless to say, I love this person. During the time we've known each other, I've always tried to be there for them. I've supported, encouraged, and cheered for them. I've given my time, my attention, and my love, and they've accepted all with open arms.

We do not live near each other, so getting to spend time with them has been difficult to coordinate. But we've somehow managed to see each other as often as we could. I've helped them out when I could when they were struggling. I've given gifts. I've given of myself. I've even helped them out financially.

I gave them money? Yes. I did. Y'all... I do NOT care about the money. I've never cared about money. (Which is probably why I'm always broke.) What I DO care about is the fact that I gave my heart in friendship to this person, and a few weeks ago, they ripped it to pieces and threw it back at me like it never meant anything to them.

There has been a lot of miscommunication because we haven't been able to just sit down and talk. I was hoping to get to do just that during one of my upcoming trips, but I'm assuming that those plans have now changed. I'm pretty sure I won't be seeing them at all.

You see, not only did they shatter me, but they blocked me on social media and walked away without looking back. I spent the better part of 26 hours in bed, alternating between being numb and crying my eyes out after our argument. It made me physically ill, and during the week following, I lost almost 10 pounds.

I'm devastated that my requesting 10-15 minutes to talk to them so we could discuss trip plans was the impetus to this blow-up. It's crazy that such a simple request led to a LOT of false accusations and assumptions. (Yes, it was as simple as that, and it absolutely blew up from there!) The things this person said to me were not only untrue, but they were insulting - to both of us - and so damn hurtful. I'm still having a hard time believing some of what was said.

Much to the dismay of my best friends, I still love this person, still consider them a very good friend, and an important person in my life. And I am more than willing to talk to them to work things out. I maintain that we just need to get on the same page.

But I'm very hesitant to reach out to them. I'm afraid that if I do right now, it will only make things worse.

I know I should probably just walk away, but y'all, once you're in my heart, you're there. I can't just stop loving someone. It isn't in my nature. I'm one of the most warm-hearted, loving people you will EVER meet!

They are on my mind daily, and having them disappear from my life so suddenly has broken me. I wish I could give you more details, but as open as I am, they are not, and I would NEVER intentionally do anything to hurt them. (Yeah, even after they've destroyed me with their words and actions.)

I simply do not understand why communication can be so difficult. This world would be a much better place if people just sat down and talked things over. We don't have to yell. We don't even have to agree. But being able to have a conversation where each side gets to share their thoughts and opinions can go a long way toward peaceful living.

Anyway, I'm doing the best I can to try to be patient with them, as I don't feel patience is something they've been afforded a lot of during their life. Maybe I shouldn't, but I am. Maybe I should just let them go. But that is an extremely difficult thing to do when you love someone.

I just really needed to get some thoughts out of my head. I hope this blog wasn't too much of a downer for you guys. Please know if you see me and I'm not smiling like I normally am, I'm trying.

I'm really trying.

Until next time and as always,

Much love and healthy communication from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)

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