Medicate

Good afternoon, my Lovelies!

'Tis four days before the release of Jaxon's Fate and five days before my birthday and all through the land things are not well. 

Okay. I was going to get all cutesy and set that opening up like a play on The Night Before Christmas, but my creativity levels are just NOT there today. (Which is probably why I'm blogging instead of working on a book.)

Okay...before I dive in here too far...

How y'all doin'? Ya good? I truly do hope you are well and enjoying the holiday season - whatever that looks like for you. This time of year can be so hard for a multitude of reasons. Please promise me if you're having a hard time right now, that you'll reach out. Call a friend, a family member, a hotline... Hell...you can even message me. I don't give advice unless asked for, but I will always, and I do mean that wholeheartedly, ALWAYS listen.

So, what's going on with me? 

Sleep deprivation.

I've had trouble sleeping off and on for years. I think much of it can be blamed on my age at this point, but over the past few months, it has been the worst it has ever been.

The past four days I've slept maybe a total of six hours.

I've always had trouble turning my brain off. I lay down and the stories and the 'what ifs' just start rolling. I create impossible scenarios and plan out conversations that may or may not happen. It normally takes a long time for me to completely shut my brain down and rest.

Lately, however, that hasn't been too much of an issue and I think it's due to my exhaustion. Now, it seems I don't have much trouble falling asleep. It's the staying asleep part that fucks me over. That, and I seem to be plagued with horrible nightmares right now - as in multiple times per night.

Nightmares. Shouldn't be too big of a deal, right? We all have them and I've had them for a long damn time. Well, when mine hit, they're bad. They're very, very bad. I scream. I moan in agony. I've been known to take a few swings at people. (Yes, ya girl knows how to get a good right jab in when necessary.) I wake up the entire house with how loud I am. And if I don't get pulled completely out of the nightmare, when I fall asleep again, I'm taken right back down into whatever hell my brain is envisioning. I think these would probably be considered borderline night terrors moreso than just a nightmare.

I hate it. My mother had nightmares off and on as I was growing up, so I know how hard it can be on the other side of things.

I never remember what they're about, which is extremely frustrating. I can't seem to stop them. I feel like they're worse right now because of how overly exhausted and in desperate need of sleep I am.

I have had friends talk about going on trips with me, especially with all of the traveling I've begun to do with my signing events. I have a very hard time with the idea of subjecting my friends to the possibility of witnessing this, so I almost always say no or just laugh it off. The very few times that I've shared a hotel with friends, I've hardly slept because I'm afraid that a nightmare will hit. I have friends with severe PTSD and the idea that I could trigger something in them absolutely frightens me.

I would never want to cause them any pain.

So, I gave in today and went and got some gummies. (Ya know...the GOOD gummies.) I'm determined to get some sleep tonight.

Look, all I'm gonna say is if you see me out and I look like a fucking zombie, well...it's because I am. Just do the good friend thing and pretend like you don't notice. Okay? 

Until next time and as always,

Much love and hope for peaceful and restful sleep from me to you,

Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)

Blog Subscription

Newsletter Sign Up & Link to Free Book

Dawn Love's Linktree (Ya know, for all my other shit!)